Video Journalism
by Ace5980
Summary: Matt and Mello have made videos for a project- but on presentation day, nothing seems to go right! Can they turn this project around? Matt/Mello.
1. Chapter 1

Mello: God, Ace, don't you have better things to do than annoy us, like finish Sherlock?

Ace: Yes. But too bad, 'cuz I enjoy torturing you two better than transcribing all the crap I already have.

Mello: I hate you.

Ace: I know.

Matt: Ace! Where's your Wii?

Ace: I ate it. (The boys stare at her in shock) Mwahahahaha!

* * *

Chapter One

**Matt**

I was really nervous, though I had no idea why. The only thing I had to do today was present a video for video journalism, but I was a whiz at computers. Mine took me all of three seconds last night to put together, mostly because I was out of ideas. I just threw something together on pets. Mello, on the other hand, didn't go to bed last night until I wrestled him in, and even then, I think he got back up after I'd fallen asleep in order to continue working. My proof? He went up to our room with me for our free period beforehand to take a nap instead of playing soccer. Now I had to wake him up before we were late, which was actually an ironic twist of our normal roles.

"Come on, Mells! Wake up! We're gonna be late!"

He groaned, rolling over. "Five more minutes."

"No, now!"

He balled up, fending off my poking sleepily. I sat back, wondering how the heck I was supposed to get him up. Well, a shock ought to work, right? "Mello, if you don't wake up right now, I will personally eat all of your chocolate!"

"Meh, you wouldn't be able to find it all," he mumbled.

"Want to try me?"

"Hey, if you want to get me more from the kitchen later, feel free."

I frowned. If he wouldn't wake up for chocolate, what would he wake up for? Hmmm.... maybe I could shock him outright. After all, he was a Catholic. I bet he'd have a problem if I kissed him.

Why the heck had I just thought that?!? I mean, yes, I liked Mello, but surely not in that way! Surely not! Probably not. Possibly not. Likely not. He was just my best friend, who I'd sleep with if I had a bad dream, who beat up anyone who got near me, who was the only one who knew my real name, who had told me his in return. My best friend who always looked to me when he needed help, who would rely on me to keep him from beating people into a pulp, who would let me tickle him and make him laugh. My best friend who would let me pick out what he wore, who would never get mad at me for going over him with my hands in a tickle fight, who never complained when I would crawl under the covers with him, who would always wrap his arms around me when I was scared or sad. My best friend who I watched carefully for nonexistent signs of affection towards others, who I would do anything for, anything at all, who I dreamt about every night-

Okay, whoa, back up here a minute! Yeah, I dreamt about him every night, but that did not mean I was gay. Right? Holy crap, yes it did! I was in love with my best friend. My best friend who was a guy, not to mention a devout Catholic who had to believe sodomy was wrong. Could my life be any more torturous?

In the end, I picked him up by his legs and dangled him over the couch. His shirt was falling down, and it was all I could do not to run my hands down his chest. And jerk his lips to mine. And let him rape me right here on the couch.

Holy shnitz, I needed therapy. Preferably not with Mello, otherwise I don't think we'd make it out of that office still virgins; his idea of therapy was to live vicariously until you got over it, which was the reason he wasn't allowed to be a mentor to small children or to the more traumatized kids who came here. He was all mine.

Jeez, I was such a sap if I took such pleasure in those few words, even if it didn't have the same connotations as I wanted it to. "Fine! I'm awake, I'm awake!" he yelped, though he didn't struggle the least little bit. I had no idea if it was confidence in me that kept him from doing anything to release himself or if he was simply too tired to argue with me. I smirked, gently letting him down shoulder first. He rolled off, a crazy whirlwind of black leather. Standing there, he looked like an angel.

Yeah, if angels wore tight leather and looked like they were sex toys on legs. Because that was what Mello looked like to me: a yummy sex toy on two legs, albeit the touchiest sex toy to ever show up on the face of the earth.

I realized I had been staring off into space while he'd been staring at me contemplatively. I didn't want him to figure out today's surprise, so I shook myself back to normal Matt. "Ready to go?" I asked, eager to get to class for once.

He grimaced, which was actually cute to me. Everyone else thought his grimaces were scary since they normally resulted in someone getting hurt, but I found them downright adorable. "As ready as I'll ever be," he grouched, taking my hand and dragging me along behind him. I snagged our projects, unwilling to leave them behind. Not today. Not when I had the perfect video presentation to his taste, one he would find hysterical and utterly annoying. I could not wait to see the look on his face when the video was finished.

**Mello**

Matt could be so pushy when he wanted to be. I had stayed up really late because I couldn't work properly on my old-fashioned slide show for video journalism. Not while I was having sacrilegious thoughts about my roommate.

Anyway, I was taking a nap during our free period, but he came in trying to wake me up. Said something about being late. As if I cared.

I groaned, rolling over. "Five more minutes."

"No, now!"

I balled up, fending off his poking sleepily. I just wanted to make up some of the sleep I had missed because of him last night. Couldn't he just let me sleep?

As if in answer, he yelled, "Mello, if you don't wake up right now, I will personally eat all of your chocolate!"

I thought about it for a moment. Or more specifically, how Matty'd look eating my chocolate. Let me tell you, it was actually pretty sexy. "Meh, you wouldn't be able to find it all," I mumbled, unwilling to admit the real reason why I didn't care if I woke up to find all of my chocolate gone..

"Want to try me?" he challenged, making me want to say yes right there and then. To drag him to me and kiss him hard on the lips. To pull him onto the bed with me and rape him right now, school be damned.

"Hey, if you want to get me more from the kitchen later, feel free," I muttered, keeping my face hidden so that he couldn't pick up on my blush from my thoughts. I was gonna burn in Hell for what I did or more specifically, would inadvertently end up doing, to my poor little unsuspecting Matty.

He was quiet for a while, which got me worried. Did he suspect? Did he suspect that I wanted to do all sorts of things to him, things I didn't think he'd particularly enjoy. I wanted to steal chocolate from his mouth, to rip his clothes off, to-

I stopped those thoughts right in their tracks with a force of effort. Matt had a lot of insight into my mind, and I didn't want him seeing those particular thoughts right now. Unfortunately, I came back just in time for him to grab me by my ankles and drag me upright. I was so glad he couldn't see my head because I was flushing bright red. My shirt came down around my arms, and I wished my pants would too. I wanted to feel his hands on my skin.

He held me over the couch, dangling me so that if he dropped me, I would only land on the cushions instead of the hard wood floor. His shirt was riding up, showing me a nice glimpse of his stomach. I wanted to run my fingers over it so bad, but I repressed the urge. No sodomy. It was a sin. And I may be sinful by nature, but I refuse to let Matty sin too, not for me.

"Fine! I'm awake, I'm awake!" I yelped, having trouble resisting the soul-deep urge to rape my best friend right here on this couch. He grinned, completely unaware of the effect he had on me, and dropped me onto the cushions shoulder first.

I landed softly and rolled off in a blur of black leather. Matt had a strange look on his face, but he shook it away when he saw I'd noticed. "Ready to go?"

I grimaced. "As ready as I'll ever be," I grouched, taking his hand and dragging him along behind me while he snagged our projects. I nearly growled at my forgetfulness. How could I have possibly forgotten about the project I had spent all my time on last night, the one I had had such a hard time making while my thoughts had centered on Matt. And the bed, I couldn't leave out the bed. Or myself.

Like I said, I'm a dirty sinner, and I'm going to go to Hell one of these days. I'm just going to do my best to keep my dear Matty out, even if I have to suffer for the rest of my life. He was just too precious to me to let him burn there forever, like I would. I would burn for him, for my sinful love of my best friend.

* * *

Mello: Nice job Ace. You make me sound like an ADD school-girl wanting to have sex with her boyfriend.

Ace: But aren't you?

Mello: Yes, but that's not the point.

Matt: I couldn't find it upstairs..., and what did I miss?

Mello: Nothing.

Ace: SEX! (Everyone stares at her) Okay, now that I have your attention, I'd like to talk about two or three important things. First, I do not own Death Note, otherwise everyone would've made it out alive. Except Misa. Yeah, she's gotta go. Second, I am sorry for anyone I may or may not offend with this story. Don't like it, don't read it. Don't take it out on me, 'kay? Finally, let's get to reviews.

Matt and Mello: Oh Lord. You're in for it now, folks.

Ace: (deep breath in) Please-review-since-those-reviews-help-me-help-Matt-and-Mello-get-good-grades-on-their-projects-and-may-result-in-them-not-dying-alone-in-some-deep-dark-pit-somewhere-as-a result-of-a-rabid-wolverine-attack. (breathes hard)

Mello and Matt: What have we gotten ourselves into?


	2. Chapter 2

Mello: She's writing about us again. I'm concerned.

Matt: (peeks out from underneath couch) I'd be scared if I were you. Since when is that kind of smile on Ace meant anything good for us?

Mello: You're right, we're screwed.

Ace: Ain't that right, because here's the next chapter! (They groan and she laughes) Don't you just love it?

Matt and Mello: No.

Ace: Let's have the fans decide then.

* * *

Chapter Two

**Matt**

In class, I was an antsy ball of Matt. Would Mells like my video? Would he get pissed at me? Would he see the hidden message? And why the heck was I asking myself so many questions? Huffing out a sigh, I gently set Mello's project down on his section of the table, which he hid inside of his bag. Huh. Maybe I wasn't the only one with a surprise in their video.

It was a boring day, watching all the videos on what the orphans would have if they had a pet. I saw Mello's eyes changing to the deer-in-headlights look as he watched. I frowned, my brow furrowing. Had he done something wrong? No, he couldn't have. Mello _never _spaced out in class and was pretty darn near perfect. There was no way he would've done something stupid like mix up his videos or something. No way. I'd bet my Nintendo DS on it.

Since this was our lunch period, the teacher was letting us eat in the classroom in order to watch the videos. I was the first one to present after we got our lunches, but to my surprise and horror, Mello was pulled out of class by Roger while we were going to fetch the food. Mello was clueless, as was I. Neither of us had done anything necessarily bad over the past few days, so neither of us had any idea what was wrong. Near, the little albino freak, was also pulled into the office.

I had a bad feeling about this, but I let Mello go. He never would have listened to me anyway. He hugged me tightly, promising to try to make it back in time to catch the end of my video before he followed Near and Roger into the office. I nearly patted his head, but I didn't. I had no idea why, but I had a sinking feeling in my gut that this might very well be the last time I'd ever see my best friend, my first love.

_That's ridiculous_, I berated myself. _Mello probably is getting told off for putting some frogs in Near's blankets, and I wasn't pulled in because I didn't know about it._

_Yes, _said the cynical part of my brain, _that completely explains the fact that he didn't tell you about that antic even though he tells you everything. He told you his real name. Why would he ever have kept a little matter like Near tormenting from you?_

I shivered, not liking the way the logic sounded. I looked up to the clouded sky, not sure what to do. I had never been particularly religious, I left that aspect of our friendship to Mells, but it couldn't hurt to try praying. Anything Mello believed in couldn't be all bad. I put my hands together the way I'd seen him do when he would kneel by the bed and say his nightly prayers before crawling in under the covers and waiting for me to sneak in behind him. I wasn't going to kneel since there was no need to call attention to myself here, but I didn't just let my lips form the words the way Mello did. I actually spoke my words aloud.

"Hello, God. I'm pretty sure you're just as surprised as I am that I'm praying to you, but it's an emergency of sorts. You see, my friend Mello, is in some kind of trouble, but I have no idea how to help him or even what it is. I'm fairly sure you know Mello- he's like an escaped angel, only a little darker. He's blond-haired, blue-eyed, black-leather clad, and my best friend. He may have even prayed to you about me. I don't know. I make a point not to lip-read him when he prays. Anyway, all I'm asking is for you to keep a close eye on him. I don't know what to do, but please, look out for Mello. If it was a case of him or me, I'd much rather see him get out instead of me. Please."

A tear leaked out of the corner of my eyes to only be caught by the edge of my orange goggles. "Please keep him safe. He's all I have left to live for. Please. I don't care what I may have to pay for in order to keep him here with me. I don't care about whatever he may do to me for being such a wuss. Just please. I love him. I know you don't seem to like gays, but please, make an exception just this once for him. Mells always says you're a merciful god, and I don't think you really should blame the people we humans fall in love with. We're not perfect. I doubt that even you are. Just please, if he should die, make sure he goes to Heaven. He belongs to be there more than I do. Send me straight to Hell if you want to, so long as Mello gets to Heaven."

Another tear slipped out of my eyes as I stared up at the sky. "I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm a wreck, and only he can keep me alive and functioning as a human being. If there's anyone who deserves Paradise, it's him. Not me. Him." The rest of my words were cut off by a lump in my throat that came up to cut off my air. I didn't move, continuing to look up at the clouds and plead to Mello's God to save his soul- even at the cost of my own. All because I didn't want mine without him. I didn't want to exist anymore without him. If he ever outlived me, which wasn't very likely considering the fact I smoked on the sly, a fact Mello was as of yet unaware of, he wouldn't do it for long; I'd end my own life rather than try to live one single moment without him...

**Mello**

Crap. I'd messed up big time. When the teacher had told us the video topic, I'd been distracted by Matt. It wasn't my fault he was playing Pokemon under the table, so I was busy trying to get him to stop. I should've realised Matt'd had years of practice hearing the teacher while playing a video game, but I had little practice hearing the teacher while trying to keep Matt's attention. As a result, my project's topic was _not _on par with everyone else's, so despite all the time I'd spent on it, I was likely to get a failing grade on it anyway.

As if to compound my miseries, Roger was calling me into his office with Near but not Matt. No! I was gonna miss Matty's video! Honestly, can you believe the man's lack of timing? I promised to try and get back in time to see the end of his video, but he still looked really sad, so I gave him a rare public display of affection in the form of a tight hug before I was forced to follow the old man and the albino sheep into the geezer's office.

L was dead. Kira'd snuffed him out like a light. He hadn't named a successor from Near or I. It was suggested I work with the little albino bastard, but I viciously turned them down. I was 15. I could survive on my own. But what I really needed was time to think. Time I didn't have. I couldn't take Matt with me; he wouldn't last long outside of Whammy's protective walls. He wasn't strong enough.

If I was being honest with myself, I wasn't strong enough either. But I wasn't. I was pushing myself harder than I'd ever pushed myself before. The late night studying, the constant competing, the complete devotion I had to L were all nothing compared to my ferosity now. Matt hadn't been able to understand my previous determination to be the best. He hadn't been able to keep up all that well. He would only be left behind to die if I brought him with me now.

Maybe it was a sign from God. Maybe it was just a lucky coincidence. I didn't care. I would do anything to keep Matt safe from Kira, even if it meant I had to give my own life. He would be safe. He would likely hate me for what I was doing, but I couldn't let him follow me. It was about time for the puppy to learn to walk on his own.

I threw things in my backpack haphazardly, unable to keep from thinking about Matt showing his video in the classroom right now. He was waiting for me. But the thing was, I wouldn't show up. Not this time. I had packed as much as I thought I could, but I had room for one thing. One more thing to remind me of my life here. I wouldn't take much of Matt's; there was no need to rub it in that I was unhealthy for him. Instead, I took the sketch Echo had made of us last year. It showed the two of us up in our tree outside, laughing as we pelted everyone on the ground with pinecones and water balloons. She had captured everything about that day that I had loved. The way Matt's laugh had been so carefree, the way he looked so free as he was up with me, the shine in his eyes as we tormented the other orphans.

I felt like a monster as I stared at that sketch. I was taking that happiness away from him, ripping it away shamelessly as though he had an abundance of it. The truth was, he didn't. He was just as badly broken inside as I was. But I couldn't help him anymore. All I could do was distance myself from him, promise to never involve myself in his life as long as it was best for him, and pray he'd be okay.

I took out a piece of paper and wrote a brief letter to Matt on it. He'd understand. I hated myself right now, but it was what had to be done. I left it on my pillow, having faith that Matt'd be more likely to find it there than if it had been on his own. I buried my face in his pillow, inhaling the scent of Matt for what had to be the last time in my life before I turned around, shouldered my bag, and walked out of the life I had known for the life of a wanderer.

**Mello's Letter**

_Mail,_

_L is dead. I have to go. I can't stay here another minute, and I can't help Near find Kira. Not now. Not ever. I can't take you either. I won't kill you. Not now. Not ever. You're just too precious to me for me to risk losing you. Look after yourself and don't try to find me. Please. It's the only thing left I can ask you to do. I'm sorry for killing your happiness and missing your video. Please understand I'd rather die right now that leave you, but if you died, I don't know what I'd do. I'm sorry. I'm the worst kind of friend and the most confusing kind of sinner. Because it feels right and wrong to leave you behind. Right because I'm protecting you. Wrong because I'm killing myself to leave. But I'll put up with the pain of death if it means you're safe. Nothing else is in any way as dangerous as loosing the one you love the most. I know it's far too late, but that's the truth. It's just as well I'm leaving because now you won't have to worry about me bringing you to Hell._

_I love you,_

_Miheal_

* * *

Mello: I can't believe you actually prayed in that chapter.

Matt: Well, I can't believe you actually left me in there, so-

Ace: Yeah, yeah, you two can't believe what I have you two do.

Matt: I'm scared again.

Mello: Me too. To the Ace Shelter! (They run off as fast as they can.)

Ace: Meh, they don't know I not only know where their shelter is and how to break in, but I also built it! Oh, and Matt'll have to come out for his video games and Mello for the chocolate eventually. It's only a matter of time. I also don't own Death Note, otherwise I don't think I'd ever have let them do anything to these little psychopaths.

Matt: OH COME ON, THEY HAVE ELECTRIC DOORKNOBS IN HERE!?!

Mello: AND CHOCOLATE MOUSETRAPS!?!?

Ace: Oh yeah, I forgot about those. (shrugs) I don't think it'll kill them to stay in there for a while. :P


	3. Chapter 3

Ace: Hellllllllooooooooooo boys!

Matt: (screams like a girl) How'd you get in here?!?

Ace: (shrugs) Trade secrets. :P

Mello: OH GOD, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The two beat another hasty retreat)

Ace: Good grief, can we not have a decent introduction for once? (sighs and shakes her head) Okay, I guess I'll just let the story get on with itself while I go fetch Dumb and Dumber. I mean, seriously, trying to run from the author? Not the best idea they've ever had.

* * *

Chapter Three

**Matt**

He didn't show up. The frickking bastard never showed up! I knew he didn't care about me. He didn't want me the same way I did. He may have been my best friend, but all I was to him was his bitch. Someone to abuse. Someone to have follow you around and do the dirty work.

Only he didn't make me do the dirty work, didn't abuse me, and the following was all my idea. Shit, that idea was out. Dammit, why wasn't he here?!? I decided the rest of the universe could go to hell as far as I was concerned. I needed my Mello. I needed to chew him out for abandoning me, for him to wrap his arms around me and assure me everything was okay. I needed him to be here, close to me, instead of who-knows-where.

Where was he? Maybe in our room, deciding to blow off the rest of the day. It wouldn't be the first time he'd made a decision like that. I threw the door aside as I walked in, but he wasn't in his normal armchair, lounging with a chocolate bar. He wasn't in the bathroom taking a shower. He wasn't in the kitchen area getting more of his favorite treat. He wasn't in the bedroom, sleeping.

Instead, on his pillow, was a note. It couldn't be true. He couldn't have left me. But that was exactly what the note said. It smashed my heart to pieces using my dreams and then spit in my face. I couldn't live without Mello, but he didn't think I could live with him. Where was the justice in the world? Where was God, any god? Where was the man I loved with all my heart.

"God, I take it all back," I whispered brokenly, curling up on his bed around his pillow, taking in his scent. It was chocolate and leather for the most part, but with lots of his own special scent in it as well, the scent that told me it was Mello's pillow instead of a random hobo's. "Send us to Hell. Send us both to Hell. Plunge the world into the Apocalypse. Just don't let it be true. Let it all be a dream. Please, don't let be true he left me."

God didn't answer me. I waited for a long time, letting the shadows of the setting sun fall lazily, mockingly upon the empty desk, empty drawers, Mello's bed, empty except for me, but he did not answer me. "Screw you," I muttered darkly, glaring hatefully at the sky. "You took Mello from me, but do you have to rub it in like that?"

The sun did not stop shining. The birds did not stop singing. The world did not spin off its axis and go hurtling into the depths of space. The universe did not spontaneously combust. But I was just as throughly dead inside as if all of those things had happened. Mello had left me, but he'd taken the best parts of me with him. The lovable parts. The happy parts. The parts that really mattered.

And the only thing stopping me from going out and reclaiming myself and my other half was his half-assed request not to. Because the thing was, even after all he'd done to me, I still couldn't refuse him. Not even now, in my darkest times. I may hate the reactions his absence had caused, despite the fact he hadn't been gone for even a day, but I could never hate Mello himself. I just loved him so much. He was my drug, and I was having withdrawal symptoms.

I needed to get out. He never said I couldn't leave Whammy's, just that I couldn't go looking for him. I growled, hopping out of the window, leaving everything behind. I was a wounded animal, and I needed an escape. A way out of the pain of losing the one you loved most. Not to death; that would have at least been manageable. I could've handled that; it was an easy matter to remedy, life. But Mello was still here, still alive. And I wanted out.

I had been walking while I'd been fuming about my missing love, and I stopped, irritated with myself. What was I trying to prove? That I needed Mello to keep me safe? That I could get myself killed far more easily than he ever could? That I didn't want this life if Mello didn't want it either?

"Hey, buddy," called a random hobo from the side of the road. He was huddled around a trash can, but he had a fairly innocent look about him. "You look like you could use a smoke," he said, offering me a cigarette.

"Thanks. I really need one," I murmured thankfully, lighting it in my mouth. I inhaled, but it wasn't like a normal cigarette. I was familiar with the taste of nicotine, but this was something different. Something stronger. "These aren't normal cigarettes. What is it?"

He regarded me carefully through slitted eyes, obviously considering whether or not to tell me the truth. That meant he was likely doing... something. I couldn't think particularly well; this drug clouded my brain. It cloaked my mind in chemicals, chemicals to slow and mutate the signals my brain was giving it. It would have been frightening to me, if it weren't for the fact that I couldn't remember why I had been so upset. All I could remember was a missing angel and a horrible tragedy. I took another long drag on the cigarette, loving the feeling of the unknown pain.

He made a decision based on my apparent enthusiasm with whatever I was smoking. "It's pot."

So it was marijuana. I'd found my ticket to freedom, and the best part was that it was Mello-free.

* * *

Ace: Sorry about the short chapter, but Mello doesn't do anything of interest until the next chapter. And even _that's _all too great, in my opinion. Give him another couple of chapters, and he'll come back strong! Promise! (rams on solid steel door) Okay, you two, it's your turn to do the normal wrap out!

Mello: Ace does not own Death Note, otherwise we would probably have killed ourselves long ago.

Matt: Reviews are always greatly appriciated because they help reinforce our steel door keeping out the crazy writer chic!

Ace: That's me! :) Crazy? I was crazy once! They locked me in a long white room. Then I died. They gave me two flowers: one grew up, and one grew down, and it drove me nuts! Nuts? I like nuts! Almonds, peanuts, but not pistachios! Pistachios drive me crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once!...

Mello and Matt: Here she goes again.


	4. Chapter 4

Ace: Okay, I feel sort of duty-bound to say this next part, but doing drugs is NOT the answer. Ever. I don't care about what kind of situations you're going through, but please; it's not worth poisoning your life for.

Matt: I can't believe you're having me do drugs.

Ace: Yep. Now, for further warnings. Mello's just plain old Mello, but Matt's a right old mess. I do not normally condone this behavior and am actually rather surprised I'd have him get that far into the vicious cycle of drugs, but it's what the plot bunny dictated, and I'm just the insane fanatical follower.

Mello: Ain't that the truth.

Ace: Okay, moving on. You know I can get through that door at any time, don't you?

Mello and Matt: Crap.

* * *

Chapter Four

**(time lapse of about four weeks, give or take)**

**Mello**

The space in my heart where Matt had been hurt. It was a fierce pain, one that would not leave me no matter where I went or what I did. It did not matter if I was lounging around in my hotel room or if I was working on the Kira case. I still felt his absence just as keenly as if it had been yesterday I'd ripped my heart out and left behind at Whammy's with Matt.

Not even chocolate could relieve the soul-deep pain inside. I had given up the sweet the first week I had left, unable to bear rewarding myself for the worst thing I could ever have done in my life for one second longer. I had never dreamt I would find something more precious to me than my chocolate, but Matt had effectively broken down that bond with his absence. I couldn't live without him, but I couldn't live with him either. Not when it meant his death. Because if I brought him back into my life, he would die.

The only thing I had from my past life was my rosary. I couldn't bear to wear any of my black leather when I didn't have a Matty to impress. I couldn't bear to pin my hair up when there wasn't a Matty to stroke it. I couldn't bear to turn on the TV when Matty wasn't there to play his games on it. I had thought living without him would be quite so hard, but it was. Even though it wasn't Whammy's and I knew it would be impossible, I kept expecting to see Matty somewhere, waiting for me with an easy smile and open arms.

Of course, I nearly broke down and called Roger several times. I wanted to make sure he was okay, but I held myself in check. The boy wouldn't be in a good place right now. I had been his sun, and with my absence, I had changed into a red giant, and although I hadn't burned him, he still would orbit around the space I had left until the day the universe ended. If I ever made it out of this alive, I swore right here and now, on my parents' graves, that I would find Matt again and never leave him alone again. Not even for the most necessary of reasons.

Of course, he could have moved on without me. I had lived through the murder of my parents and siblings. He had lived through his father killing his mother in a drunken rage. He might have survived this event entirely intact.

I snorted to myself, startling several passerby. Yeah. Like Matty'd be able to escape this, this _agony _of being alone. I was one of the most knowledgeable people when it came to heartache, but this had brought me to my knees. There was no way Matt'd been able to escape this one either even though he'd had so much strength, strength I'd depended upon. We'd used each other as a crutch for far too long to be able to walk without the other now.

I didn't dream of my family anymore. Instead I dreamt of Matt, which was far worse. The dreams would vary. Sometimes he would accuse me of being cruel, faithless, heartless. Sometimes we would just stare at each other. But sometimes, he would come and dream-rape me. That was probably the worst of all the options because I'd wake, hoping I'd find him there to really rape me, but he wouldn't be. He was at Whammy's. I was in a crappy motel room. God hated me.

Yes, that had to be the only explanation for my pain. God hated me, so he decided I would have to suffer by being forced to lose my hero, leave my potential gay lover, and then dream of him every night. I hadn't thought I'd sinned quite so much in my life. At least he knew what kind of Hell I should be sentenced to when I died. Because nothing, and I really do mean nothing, would ever compare to the pain of losing my best friend, my true love, my eternal partner. My Mail.

**Matt**

A few weeks into my drug therapy, Roger busted me smoking pot. So I was in trouble and laid off the drugs for a few days, but I couldn't handle the truth. I took to cocaine, crack, meth; anything to keep me from my nightmare, a nightmare where I didn't even dare think _his_ name anymore because it hurt too much. I was on a constant high, always drugged up but craving more of the nothingness. More of the only pleasure I would experience while _he_ was out risking his life on some God-forsaken quest to catch Kira and bring L to justice.

When I began bottoming out on the drugs, and they began failing me, I swapped to inhaling various substances around the place. Paint cans, white-out, Sharpies; I wasn't too picky on what I was on, so long as it kept the blond bastard out of my head. I swapped out drugs, always chasing that first high, but I could never quite find it. I began taking dangerous cocktails of various drugs in different amounts, always trying to hide from the aforementioned blond bastard.

All because _he_ had lied to me. _He_ didn't really love me. If _he_ had loved me, _he_ never would have left me to become this new, druggie Matt. If _he_had loved me, I wouldn't be here alone, smoking meth in my bathroom with the window open so that Roger wouldn't notice the random smoke. If _he_ had loved me, I wouldn't have to stoop as low as to dose myself on whiteout every morning to get through the day.

I blew off school. I was violent. I made the old _him_ look like a mere pussy cat compared to the new me. The children were terrified of me. And, if I was being honest with myself, I was terrified of myself as well. I was terrified of the drug-hyped me. I desperately wanted to do what Roger said and give up the drugs, but I couldn't take the pain of _him_, with his false promises. I couldn't take it.

Near was always around me for some reason, always reminding me of _him_. It wasn't really so much him who did it, but he had been the object of _his_ hate, a hate that wasn't even enough to keep _him_ here with me. I normally snapped on him, the various substances in my system making me more volatile, more violent than I normally would be. I hated what I had become, but I couldn't stop. _He_ had pushed the boulder down the hill, and this was the unavoidable avalanche.

Then the unthinkable happened. My room was raided, and the drugs were discovered. Needless to say, they were taken, and I was miserable. My nightmare just kept getting better and better. "Dammit it all!" I screamed, throwing my DS onto my bed and punching a hole through the wall, not the first time that's occurred since _he_ left.. I glared down at my wrist, surprised to find it bleeding profusely from a cut across the vein there. And then I realized something important.

The physical pain, rather than combining with my mental and emotional pain as I would've suspected, actually blotted out that other pain. I grinned, finally feeling the first urge to be happy when I wasn't dead to the world, lost in my substance-induced haze. I had another way to keep _him_ away, and this way was one Roger would never find out about.

* * *

Ace: Okay, you two, come out and say goodbye to the readers.

Matt: (in a small voice) Um, no, I think we're nice and cozy in here, thank you very much. Mello's getting some of your work done too, I might add.

Ace: What work?

Mello: You didn't proof-read the last chapter all that well, so I'm fixing it.

Ace: Well, thank you, Mells! Matty, if you would.

Matt: (sigh) Ace here does not own Death Note, which is a relief, since if she did, I think we'd be over-run by rabid weasels.

Ace: (shrug) Rabid weasels are fun. Please review if you also like the image of Light running away from a rabid weasel army controlled by L! (Because, admit it: you've always wondered how Light would do against a weasel army, which isn't all that well, to be honest with you.) :) I feel so smart now though because I actually did a little research on the drugs for the past two chapters. Pot actually might produce some of the effects Matt was experiencing, like memory loss, but the rest of the drugs wouldn't, as far as I could see. Just a little tidbit of education for you.

Mello: Thanks for that, because we all know we want to be educated outside of school.

Ace: You're welcome! :P Until next time! (Which'll likely tomorrow, seeing as I'm on Spring Break MMX. I know, you're all jealous.)


	5. Chapter 5

Ace: Hello again (thud) and wel-(thud)-come to (thud) another chapter (thud) of Video (thud) Journalism (thud)!

Mello: LET US OUT!!!!!!

Matt: I'M GETTING HUNGRY, AND I'M SORRY!

Mello: I'M NOT. JUST LET US OUT BEFORE WE DIE!!!!!!!

Ace: I put a chair up against their door so that they don't kill my guest today, Near. Say hi, Near. (waves hi) Ain't he adorable?

Mello: WHAT?!? NEAR'S HERE!?! LET ME OUT SO I CAN BEAT HIM TO A PULP!

Ace: My point exactly. (Near hides behind Ace and she pats him on the head) It's okay, Near, honey. They won't get be getting out anytime soon. We have a chapter to show. The third today, the lucky ducks. :P

* * *

Chapter Five

**(time lapse of another four weeks or so)**

**Near**

Matt was an absolute wreck without Mello. Roger and the others didn't notice what I did, but that was because I was paying attention. Matt always had a glassy stare about him, and he always wore long sleeves and leather gloves similar to Mello's these days. The others merely passed it off as grief, even after they found a substantial amount of varying drugs in his room. They just thought Matt was coping badly, when the truth was he wasn't coping at all. He was simply turning his back on the situation through his gratuitous drug use. And killing brain cells in the process, I might add.

If I had Mello's phone number or a way to contact him, I would've done so by now, if only to give him a piece of my mind. I felt sorry for the gamer. His world had been yanked out from underneath him, and no one here could console him. It would not be okay for him until he was put back together again.

But the thing was, ladies and gentlemen, he was even more broken than Humpty Dumpty. And just like our poor little egg man, all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put him back together again if they tried. Only one person could.

I saw Matt coming out of the bathroom, obviously heading back to his room judging by the frantic look in his eyes. His arm brushed against a wall and I saw his shirt sleeve ride up before he hastily pulled it back down. But it was too late. I'd already seen the long, angry red scars running up his arm as though they'd been haphazardly painted there by an uncaring Matt, which was probably the case.

I performed an immediate U-turn, heading back the way I had just come. I bet Roger would know how to contact Mello. It was an emergency, and I'd have to set aside my hate of the chocolate-eating bastard if I wanted to prevent the loss of life over his stupid decisions.

**Mello**

My phone rang, and I almost let it go. But something in my subconscious urged me to pick it up. Especially when I was too slow, sending it into voice mail, only for it to ring again a moment later. My brow furrowed in confusion. Who in the world would want to talk to me so badly they'd call me twice at six in the evening? "Hello?" I growled, flipping the phone open.

"Mello, I-"

That little albino freak! He'd called me just to mock me! I bet he was trying to rub in the fact that I'd left Whammy's, my home, along with my first and only love. The phone rang again. And again when I failed to answer. And again. Damn. The sheep had to have an urgent message to pass on to me if he was bothering to call here that many times even after the hang-up. I snatched the phone off the bed again and snarled, "What is so desperate that you have to tell me, you little bitch?"

"Matt needs Mello."

I snorted. "I knew that when I left him. But I can't be with him because I won't be the death of him."

"Does Mello know what Matt has been up to while Mello has been gone?"

"If I knew, do you think I'd even be talking to you still?"

"Matt has been doing drugs, mostly of the illegal kind, in addition to cutting himself. It is likely Matt will even attempt suicide tonight."

I was silent for a moment as that sunk in. Matt had never been suicidal when I'd known him. Had my loss really impacted him that much? "Near, I may hate you, but I owe you one for saving Matt. Why'd you do it? There's certainly no love lost between us."

"Mello and Matt may not be Near's most favorite people in the world, but Near must admit that the loss of a life is regrettable."

"Thank you," I muttered, the words nearly indistinguishable in their awkwardness. The only other person I've ever apologized to was Matt, so it felt strange to be saying them to my worst enemy. I could tell he appreciated that, but he didn't say anything about that.

All he said was, "Shouldn't Mello be on the way to Matt right now instead of sitting around the motel room like Near imagines Mello is?"

"Got a point there," I chuckled, taking pleasure in hanging up on the little albino bastard. I ran outside to my motorcycle, fully intending to break every speed limit in order to reach my Matt. I wouldn't let him die. Not for me. Not now, when I still loved him.

**Matt**

This moment had been skirting the edge of my mind for a while now. Why was I still alive when _he_ didn't want me? I didn't want my life if _he_ didn't want it. All I was now was a drugged up shell, forced to keep moving in a familiar pattern because not only was it all I knew, but it would also get me to my next dose quicker.

I had all of the equipment too. A knife would do it, and I had one. I'd been using it for the purposes of cutting myself, which was, in hindsight, overkill, but it would also serve its more sinister purpose just as thoroughly. My only concern was the pain. I didn't care about what _he'_d told me about the people who committed suicide; I was already going to Hell for the sin of loving a boy, so why should one more sin make a difference to me now, so close to the end?

I had a ready-made solution to that last problem too. I dosed myself on the remainder of my drugs, giving myself the most potential cocktail I'd ever made. I used up the remainder of my stashes, but it was worth it. If I didn't die of an overdose, the knife would certainly take care of things.

I looked around the room, searching for something of _his_ that I could take to the next world with me. Our sketch was gone; I hadn't even noticed in the two months or so _he_'d been gone. I guess _he _must've taken it with _him_ when _he_ left. Oh well. _His_ pillow would do; it still smelled of _him_ despite the sheer number of nights I'd curled around it in a drug-fueled stupor and cried myself to sleep, where no matter how high I was, I'd still see _him_. Sometimes we'd just talk or stare at each other or do some of the things we used to do as friends, but most of the time I'd end up participating in dream sex and waking up wishing _he_ was there to make the dream real, to no avail.

I curled up around the pillow, pretending it was _him_. It wasn't hard if I closed my eyes. _His_ scent was riddled through the air around it, seeping through to my mind and helping it paint my fallen angel into reality, because there was no way _he_ was a real angel if _he_'d left me so damn shattered.

Maybe it was the drugs or maybe it was my overactive imagination, but I could've sworn I could hear _his_ voice screaming up the corridor, calling my name with the desperation of the damned. I ignored it, certain _he_ wouldn't be here to stop me, taking the knife from its position on the bedspread and blindly raising it to my neck, readying myself to take my own life. I tested the blade absently with my thumb, pricking it almost painlessly. Oh yes, the knife would end things nice and quick. I smiled and prepared to plunge the knife into my throat, saying a mental good-bye to life, love, and _him_. I dared to think _his_ name here, when I was so close to my demise.

Mello. Miheal Keehl. I love you, Miheal Keehl. Why did you leave me? Why? I loved you. I still love you. But not for too much longer. I love you, but I can't live without you. I'm sorry.

I squeezed my eyes shut, tightening my grip on the pillow, once again pretending it was my long-lost lover. My grip on the knife tightened on the knife too as I decided it was time to go.

"Mail, no!"

* * *

Ace: Dun dun dun- cliff-hanger! What will happen now? You'll have to wait and see, Mwahahahahaha! Near, honey, would you like to do the honors?

Near: Ace-chan does not own Death Note, otherwise Near would be way cuter and NEVER have to speak like this.

Ace: Thank you Near.

Near: Can Near have a cookie?

Ace: Yes, Near may have a cookie. I wish I had a cookie, but these are for everyone who's reviewed, favorited, subscribed, or read. (gives imaginary cookie)

Near: Mello and Matt have been quiet for a while.

Ace: (frowns) Uh oh. I hope I didn't accidentally kill them in there...


	6. Chapter 6

Ace: Sorry about not writing in so long... I wrote the remainder of the story out during a standardized test and couldn't quite find the motivation to type it up... I also want to apologize for making the chapters so short now- they were a page or so long in my notebook! (peeks into doorway)

Mello: WHERE'S THE LITTLE DAMNED SHEEP-LAMB-BASTARD?!?!

Ace: Nice to see you too, Mello. I sent Near home about a week or two ago.

Mello: To a sheep farm?

Ace: No. He went back to Sherlock (from Sherlock: A Tale of Two Detectives, another one of my fanfictions). You alive in there too, Matt?

Matt: Yeah, sure, whatever. Just fulfill your obligation to everyone, would you?

Ace: Fine! Here you go, loyal fans.

* * *

Chapter Six

**Mello**

"Matt!" I screamed as I ran through the hallways of my former home. My heart urged me to go faster and faster now that I was so close to my love. I was vaguely aware of the slamming doors and the yelping orphans, but I did not pause to enjoy the familiar sensation of being feared. What did I care if the others feared me or loved me if I didn't have my Matty to enjoy the sensations with? "Matt!" I had navigated these hallways before while at a run, but never while my thoughts were so wrapped up with Matt. Would I be too late to save him? Did God hate me enough to take my love from me?

I burst through the door to our room, taking in the sight of Matt curled around my pillow with a sinister-looking knife in his hand up at his neck. "Mail, no!" I screamed, tackling him and pushing him down on the bed while locking my arms around him.

"Mells, what-" he gasped, his own arms constricting around my waist. "Am I dead?"

"No," I growled. I felt the cold metal of his knife against my leg with sickening clarity and kicked it away, hearing it clatter against the ground with a measure of satisfaction. Safe. Matty was safe. With every one of his heartbeats against my chest, I was reassured by the fact he was safe, alive, and here in my arms.

"That's good," he murmured slowly, relaxing in his drug-fueled stupor. "Means I can... maybe... see you again... Mihael..."

A lump formed in my throat. After all I'd done to him, he still wanted me? _Oh, Matty_, I mused, brushing his untidy red hair out of his eyes, _not that I'm complaining or anything, but when are you going to learn I'm not healthy for you?_ He smiled as though pleased at my return even in his unconsciousness. I surveyed the room, noting with growing horror each and every one of his abused substances. What had he been doing in my absence? What had I done when I left him here alone?

At this point, I didn't even think. I just acted. I threw Matt's belongings into his backpack after emptying it of books, picked up the sleeping gamer bridal-style after putting the bag over my own slender shoulders, and took us back to my motel room. I dumped him on the bed and threw myself down beside him. Lying there with my arms wrapped around Matty, I finally felt like I was doing something right for the first time since L had died.

* * *

Mello: I am very much ashamed of you, Ace.

Ace: Why?

Mello: BECAUSE YOU DON'T OWN DEATH NOTE, THAT'S WHY!

Ace: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SPOIL MY DREAMS, MELLO, WHY?!?! (runs off sobbing)

Matt: Since Ace apparently forgot, here are some cookies to everyone who stuck with the story this far. (hands imaginary cookie to everyone) Also, remember that reviews equal lots of cookies, I think. I don't know, it might actually equal no cookies. (shrugs) I wasn't really listening.


End file.
